so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
pray to the hookup gods
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
