I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
