I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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