you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
sex in a hospital.. check
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
