Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
