I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
