All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize