Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
