so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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