miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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