First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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