I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
