She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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