history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
