...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize