I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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