So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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