I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
