just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
