I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
