My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
