They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
