I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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