I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i've created a new STD.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
