She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize