So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
