when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
