so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
