At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
