We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
