You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
