And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
porn star boner night. come get it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize