ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
