She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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