I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
