I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
