She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize