im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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