He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
