Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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