I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
