Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
