i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
