i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My life is pants optional.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
