I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
