so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
