I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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