i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
