im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Randomize
