All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
