Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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