Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
