did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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