I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
