can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
