idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
