At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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