he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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