bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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