No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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