she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he thought i was a dude.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
