thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
