You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
