apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
