Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
