Is it because I queefed?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
