OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
