oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
