So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
