how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
