tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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