is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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