I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize