The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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